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Posted by: Pisatel on Jan 21, 2004 - 01:04 PM
AmericanIdol
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If you thought last night's auditions in New York were bad, tonight's were even worse. Read on and find out who made it and who didn't.
By: Pisa
www.MediaFiends.com
This article is owned by MediaFiends.com & may not be reproduced without permission.
We're now down South, in Georgia. Ryan introduces a brief recap of last night, and I get to laugh once again at Colin Leahy (the self-proclaimed Clay clone), the Rosado Twins, Karmen from Bulgaria, Scat Girl and Scooter Girl. Cue music and opening credits.
Ryan welcomes us to Georgia, telling us that it's known for more than peaches - Tamyra and Clay were selected in Atlanta, and Keith auditioned in Atlanta. Oh, I was waiting to see Keith again - thank you, American Idol! Possibly the worst singer ever, you can't help but laugh at his rendition of Like a Virgin.
This is what Atlanta had to offer:
Amy Adams. Just as perky as Martha last night, Amy's from California, and if you watched Last Comic Standing, she will remind you very much, in voice and personality, of Tere Joyce. She doesn't have the Statue of Liberty hair, though. Anyway, Amy is bubbly and just so happy to be there. She sings the Aretha Franklin song, Rescue Me. She was good, actually, very sultry and soulful. She makes it through to the next round. Simon tells her, "every year we put someone through with red hair, so..."
Simon Thomas. Okay, I'm not sure how to describe our Mr. Thomas, but he could have been the love child of Mr. Rogers and Molly Shannon. He thinks the judges will say that "he has a really good heart" and "they'd like him to share it with more people." Alrighty then. He walks in and Paula tells him she's predisposed to hate him because his name is Simon. He tells her she shouldn't because Simon is a really beautiful English name that means "the one who listens." Simon, rightly, asks him why he's there. He certainly doesn't look like he should be there, believe me. He says that he's there because he wrote a song about compassion and tolerance. Alrighty then. He sings this song and I can't imagine that his name means "one who listens" because if he listened, he would have stayed home. Simon apparently agrees because he says that he finds it odd that someone who's so compassionate could inflict such pain. Thankfully, it's a no go for him and he's off back to the monastery or cave or wherever.
Kristin Powell. She is the polar opposite of Simon, and wants fame so much that she's wearing a sweatsuit and sings Flashdance. Let me tell you now that Irene Cara, Jennifer Beals, or even J-Lo have NOTHING to worry about. This girl can't dance or sing. About the only thing she has in common with Jennifer Beals is the leg warmers that she's wearing. Not surprisingly, she doesn't make the cut. What is surprising is that her friend waiting for her is as indignant as she is that she didn't make it. Instead of telling her friend the truth, she's just as deluded as Kristin and tells her that the judges don't know real talent. What the heck are they putting in the water in Georgia?
Tiffany Powell. Okay, she makes Keith sound fairly good. She sings All By Myself all the while doing some type of interpretive dance. Alternatively flat and sharp, she hits notes only dogs can hear. Mercifully she sings the last "all by myself" and Simon predictably says, "Carry on like that and you will be."
Payton Cross. He continues the downward spiral, singing Over the Rainbow. We all know that Kimberley Locke practically owned this song, as did Morgan Burke on American Juniors. And Payton? Let's just say that his uniqueness is in his interpretation of the song. I didn't quite get the melody, and I'm positive I've never heard that interpretation (it wasn't even the slow dirge that Tamyra did when she guested on American Idol last year - loved her, hated the arrangement). The judges look stricken and Simon says that he's coming close to being one of the worst singers he's heard in his life. So, I take that to mean that Payton won't be heading to Hollywood.
As if that's not enough, we get more bad acts. We're subjected to Naquan Williams' whiny version of Stevie Wonder's Ribbon in the Sky and George Napoleon's hiccupy version of Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror (he got the crotch thing right, though). The one funny part of all of this was the one contestant who was on his knees (presumably begging to go through to Hollywood) being browbeat by Simon who tells him that they (the judges) can't put someone through who can't keep one note in tune. The guy quips, "What note would you like to hear?"
Mercifully, we move on to the montage. Simon introduces it, telling us that each year, there is one song that gets tortured by the contestants. Last year, it was I'll Be, by Edward McCain, although I thought I read that it was Alicia Keys' Fallin'. Anyway, this year's song is A Whole New World. You may remember that Ruben sang it, and very well too, on American Idol and he and Chauncey Matthews sang it on the American Juniors finale. This was the best montage so far, even though it's only the second one, starting off with one horrible person, then another, then another, then a group, ad infinitum. There was even a Donald Duck version. It provided just the laugh I needed after hearing those awful auditions. It was great, although I'm sure Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle are somewhere crying over the destruction of what was a good song.
Robert Browning. He will never be loved for his version of Do You Love Me and Yulia Johnson definitely was not hot stuff singing the Donna Summer classic.
Laketa Booker. When she entered, all the others seemed like a distant nightmare. Poised and confident, she looked Simon in the eye and told him she was there because she was the next American Idol. That certainly sounded familiar, and it got my attention, too. Then she proceeded to knock one out of the park singing Whitney Houston's Where Do Broken Hearts Go? When Simon said "thank you," I think he really, REALLY meant it.
Alan Ritchson. Still reeling from Laketa's performance, I took one look at Alan and dialed 911. I can certainly see why Paula had a big smile on her face because I did, too. I have no idea what he sang and his performance was a total blur, so I had to watch the tape again and again and again and again - oh, sorry. Anyway, he sang You are the Sunshine of My Life to Paula directly (lucky b**ch) and actually had a nice voice. Not that it matters. Simon says anyone who can keep a smile on Paula's face for more than a minute deserves to go to Hollywood and I totally agree. Seriously, this guy sang great and looks great. I predict he'll do well.
Now, we're at my favorite part of the show. This guy (name unknown) knew just what to say to shock me back into reality. Here are the lyrics to his song:
Lady lady, looking so fine
I don't care that you're 99.
Your body is wrinkled; your hair so white.
I am loving me a granny tonight!
I think he should have been put through on lyrics alone.
Danny Parker. Before his audition, Simon tells us that one of the worst things that can happen is getting the giggles while you're out on the road. He tries to do everything he can to stop, like thinking of puppies dying or Paula naked, but for some reason, he was unable to suppress them during poor Danny's audition. If you heard Danny sing, I can understand why it was hard not to laugh. He sang in a monotone and I don't know if the song was an original or an awful version of something popular. All I know is that a tape of his audition would put you out much faster than any sleeping pill. I guess Paula felt a little sorry for him, because she offers to let him sing another song. He picks Crazy and I'm sure that Patsy Cline is turning over in her grave and Keith is saying, "Yes! Somebody's worse than me!" He was definitely crazy to sing crazy (sorry, I couldn't help myself. You know you were thinking the same thing.).
Lauren Enswiler, well, her dad, actually, who sings a song that he used to sing to her when she was a child. She enters the audition and nails Summertime from Porgy and Bess. She was just excellent and all three judges loved her. Of course, she's off to Hollywood!
Terrance Gaines. He sings Sweet Painted Lady and I sit up in my chair because this is one of my all time favorite Elton John songs. To my relief, Terrance sings it well. Randy didn't like him, but Simon and Paula did. Terrance tells us that he just returned from Iraq and the audition was more nerve-wracking than being over there.
Pablo Amorim. The only word to describe this performance is horrible. It was just terrible. After it's finally over, Simon can't even speak for a while. In fact, the judges don't even laugh - they just look struck dumb. Simon finally manages to say, "Horrendous. Absolutely horrendous."
Fantasia Barrino. She proudly sings Proud Mary. I thought she was good, but Simon apparently thought she was one of the best. She's Hollywood bound, so we'll see.
Marcus Butts. Quiet everyone. Elvis has entered the building. Well, darker Elvis anyway. Dressed in an Elvis costume, he sings Heartbreak Hotel. Dark Elvis is actually good. The judges like him, so he'll go on to Hollywood, hopefully without the costume.
Heather Piccinini, who Ryan and Paula think reminds them of Kimberly Caldwell. I don't really see it, but okay. She does a decent rendition of Black Velvet that Paula and Randy like, but Simon thinks she's affected and that he's heard her a thousand times. I have to agree with Simon. Randy selected Kim as his wild card last year, so I'm not surprised that he chose Heather, but I thought Simon made a good point. I just wasn't buying into her whole bad girl act.
The last performer of the night is Andrew Chester. Apparently, he thinks his mishmash of Sweet Home Alabama and Proud Mary is the highlight of the night. When the judges tell him he's not good enough (and he isn't), he truly is mystified that they don't think he has talent. Simon actually tells him if he won American Idol, the network would be sued and have to shut down and Andrew still doesn't get it. He flat out refuses to believe everyone and says that he'll blow us all away one day. I just hope it's not with an Uzi.
So that's it. Tomorrow night, we'll see what Houston has to offer. Looks like there's a storm brewing - literally.
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Eliminated HGs
Nominated 7/6 by Janelle & Jase
Voted out 8-2 on 7/13
Alison's IMDB
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BB Slop 7.14
Voted out 8-2 on 7.20
HoH 7/6
Nominated 7/24 by James after PoV
Voted out 9-0 7/27
Jase's IMDB
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