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Posted by: simonsdrum on Sep 17, 2003 - 04:58 PM
Television
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The tragedy which is Lil S? The psycho hunkiness of Hank? Sadly……….no.
It was 10 weeks ago that we met Lisa who put her fate in our hands, It was 10 weeks ago when we first met Labitch and BK, friends of Lisa’s who would help us on our quest to help Lisa find the right husband and who also got on our nerves. It was 10 weeks ago that we met McFaddencrest, the hostess with the less mostess. Tonight, for reasons such as low ratings, lack of interest and shame beyond your imagination, we learn the fate of Lisa and her potential marriage. Will it be Hunk? Will it be Lil S? Will it be GayEvan? Will it be Fratboy? Will we care?
By WendyB
www.MediaFiends.com
This article is owned by MediaFiends.com & may not be reproduced without permission.
The show opens to reveal a stage drenched in roses. A long white rug covering the runway that everyone walks out of. I believe that’s the church aisle? I’m sure when God was thinking about two people getting married; he envisioned a soundstage with roses on it and McFaddencrest serving as best man. The show begins with a recap to end all recaps. If there is one thing Cupid has learned from reality shows, it’s the recaps. They make BB4’s recaps look like brand new shows! By the way, I am simply outraged at the possibility of Alicat winning it all on BB4. That skank teaser actually used assets like beauty and brains (which I personally think she has none of) to fool everybody!! Even a former FBI agent?!!!?!!!?!! Screw the villains, there is a new kid in town and you can call her SUPER *****!! I’m betting that the fools will vote for her to win it all. FOOLS!! Oh wait, I shouldn’t call them that since I’m kind of a fool for watching Cupid – which is still on.
So anyway, McFaddencrest runs through the final four contestants. Evan, the 25 year old girls’ volleyball coach. A recap of his dates with Lisa and a recap of some of the finer quotes of Labitch and BK. “I question your motives,” says Labitch. (I question his sexuality.)
Robert, a.k.a Lil S, a 33 year old Austrian fitness model and candidate for Governor of California, who everyone dislikes in the beginning but everyone, grew to love in the end. (More like everyone grew to realize how incredibly sad of an asset he was for this show so we kept voting for him to stay.)
Fratboy, the 22-year old bartender/student who is too young for marriage but not too young to audition for a role in the Chippendales show.
And finally, Hunk, the 25-year old office trainer and future shooting rampage suspect who relatives say stopped taking his anti-psychotic drugs after Lisa dumped him.
Next, we get a montage of the remaining four living in the house again. And yes, the first shot is of the guys coming in once again with their luggage. They have a few drinks for Renda. Lil S says something intangible about Renda. I think it was something like Renda being too much of a girly man. Then GayEvan wants to have a ping pong tournament. Whoever wins at ping pong wins Lisa’s heart. GayEvan tries to get all the guys to take off their shirts by taking off his own. But he only does it. So as not to reveal that he’s a blatant homosexual to the guys too soon, he puts his tie around his forehead in an attempt to look silly. Up first are GayEvan and Dominic. GayEvan wins. But only because he really thought the prize was that he would play leap frog with Dominic. Then it’s Lil S versus Hunk. It’s a fierce competition. It’s neck and neck. And the winner is………………………………………WHO CARES?!?!?!!! Is Hunk going to marry the skank or what? Enough with the filler!!! The monkeys continue on by playing pretend wedding. The final shot is of Hunk contemplating either the deaths of all the men or whether he should lock his door tonight in case GayEvan wants to snuggle.
Labitch and BK weigh in with their comments to this whole fiasco and they both voted for Hunk. (Only because he probably made them) Cupid cuts to commercial and we have the first elimination. To build suspense and to fill up more space in the show because the producers know its crap show a recap of all the 4 guys. Once again the producers show us all four guys and their dates. The only thing worth mentioning about all of this is that we got to see some of Lil S’s best moments on television like Lil S singing his Austrian Chaka Khan love song, Lil S crying, Lil S smelling panties and Lil S being called creepy.
The rest of the recap doesn’t matter except at the end of them, it’s Dominic who is eliminated. He gets to join the panel of loser performing monkeys who have graced us with their presence on tonight’s show.
After the break, McFaddencrest expresses his love for the show. “It’s been a great 11 weeks for me.” (Yeah, McFaddencrest, because you’ve had a job.) Then he talks to the losers. Back by producer’s demand, it’s Rob, Scott, Paul, Ken, Joe, and Renda.
Rob was a little surprise that he got voted out. He thinks America didn’t get to the see the real him so he does a little shout out booty dance for us. Note to Rob: There’s your reason why America voted you out.
Scott says that he has a lot more confidence now and doesn’t worry about the yahoos talking smack about him. Note to Scott: Worry, worry big time. And also, been kissed lately?
Paul talks, but I have no idea what he said because I just can’t get over the fact of how much he has changed. Where did his ethnic looking tan go? His hair is weird! His ears are huge! Where’s the script?
Ken, I’m still a bore but now I’m vulnerable, is still tall and Asian.
Obnoxious Joe, who always wants the spotlight, asks LaBitch out and even asks her to marry him right there on the show. Joe, always a showman, always an ass.
And finally, Renda who has developed more in the way of romance and cries all the time. And who still doesn’t have a job.
Who will be joining them? It’s time for the 2nd elimination. McFaddencrest drags it out once more but this time saying each word in the sentence and pausing – and it’s GayEvan. Don’t worry about him though; he has a date tonight with McFaddencrest.
It’s down to the wire and we have a good 20 minutes to fill. Instead of the wedding ceremony though, we get another round of recap of the final two monkeys – Hunk and Lil S. YES!!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! I predicated this two months ago. What do I win? The knowledge that this is almost over I guess.
In the recaps, we learn that Hunk and Lil S hate each other. Why? Because they both want Lisa’s heart? Because of their differences in their motives? Because they both know deep down that they have the same potential to be crazed lunatics who go on a crime rampage?
It’s the last time we get to see Hunk and Lil S with Lisa. It’s also the last time we will get to see any of these people and I for one could not be happier. It’s obvious to everyone except for Lil S that Lisa wants Hunk.
10 minutes to go in the show so instead of having the wedding which is obviously not going to happen, Lisa, LaBitch and BK go and pick out wedding dresses and reflect on their journey. They should have reflected on what they are going to do afterwards because none of them didn’t even get 15 minutes.
It’s finally time for the winner and in order to feel good about ourselves in the morning, America votes for Hunk. He wins and we all breathe a sigh of relief that we won’t see him on a future episode of 'America’s Most Wanted'.
We cut to commercial. Hey it’s a promo for 'Survivor'. That looks awesome! I don’t know anything about the contestants but I already know I want that fat dude to win and I want the guy with glasses and the AllyMcBeal body to be his second. I think I might do the recap on that one. I need to reclaim some of my dignity after Cupid.
We come back to commercial. McFaddencrest introduces Reverend Brock who will be performing the service if there is one. Then the wedding begins. Out comes Lisa and her dad down the runway to the arc of roses. Dad says a few words to Hunk before he gives away Lisa and the ceremony begins. Reverend Brock begins the ceremony while in his head he is saying a few prayers asking God’s forgiveness in doing this and then asks Hunk does he take Lisa to be his wife, blah blah blah.
Hunk turns to Lisa and says “I absolutely adore you, I want you to have everything and I want you to have the wedding of your dreams so that is why I’m not going to marry you on national television.” (Hunk you just blew a million dollars, what are you going to do next? “I’m going on a rampage!”)
We cut to commercial and we come back to McFaddencrest asking Hunk and Lisa why, why?!! Don’t they owe America? They say no. I say oh yes you do. I sat here week after week and wrote an entire recap of your cupid journey and I want a wedding followed by a miserable marriage and divorce in less than a month and that’s how I want you to lose the million dollars, DAMMIT!! Don’t I deserve that much? Doesn’t America? JEEZ!!!
I’m going to bed… Until Survivor……………
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Rating
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LOGIN
Eliminated HGs
Nominated 7/6 by Janelle & Jase
Voted out 8-2 on 7/13
Alison's IMDB
Nominated 7.14 by Kaysar.
BB Slop 7.14
Voted out 8-2 on 7.20
HoH 7/6
Nominated 7/24 by James after PoV
Voted out 9-0 7/27
Jase's IMDB
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