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Posted by: Anonymous on Jul 24, 2003 - 05:27 PM
Television
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It doesn’t really matter that I didn’t write a recap of last week’s episode of “Cupid”. It was basically another cattle call of losers from New York and Los Angeles competing for the love of Lisa Shannon, million dollar babe who wants to find love and marry the man of her dreams. Lisa had to go through hundreds of losers, I mean guys, to narrow the field down to 20 possible candidates to win her heart for this week’s show.
By WendyB
ww.MediaFiends.com
This article is owned by MediaFiends.com & may not be reproduced without permission.
I had to go through only a handful of losers last week at the local bar. Well, actually, one guy named Mike, bald, fat and who was probably 50 years older than the whiskey he apparently had been drinking there for a week. It seems like only 10 shots of whiskey is all it takes for me to get a marriage proposal.
Unlike the Bachelor where we have to sit through weeks of creepy group dates, drawn out soliloquy of everyone on the show claiming what a fascinating journey it’s been, Cupid gets down to business. Tonight, Lisa will get rid of 10 men. Then out of the remaining 10 left to boink/date Lisa, America decides. This could have major possibilities. Will America choose the right man for Lisa? Or will America plan to do what I’m going to. Vote for the loser that promises to bring hours of hilarious entertainment?
The eliminations immediately begin when Lisa and friends, bitter Kim and Laura who is in her own competition of biggest ***** on the planet, come in and meet the 20 men. Lisa divides them up into 4 groups of 5: The Serious Guys, The Diamonds in the Rough, The Jocks and The Creative Types. All the groups will go on different type dates to determine if they have aspects that Lisa has never seen yet. Hence, the grouping. As if to say simple elimination at the end of the show is not enough humiliation, after each group date, one guy will be kicked to the curb and not be invited to join the others as they head back into the limo.
Group#1 “The Serious Guys”
Pretty Boy Evan aka Abercrombie
Dain, the lawyer
Creepy Darren
Robert aka Lil Schwartzenegger
Rob in sales
In the limo, they are all serious about this date. Lisa and gang head to the karaoke bar where all proceed to demonstrate how badly they will sing in the shower. Rob in sales volunteers to go first and seals his fate not to be kicked to the curb. Lil Schwartzenegger is next. If I close my eyes, I can actually hear the real “Terminator” sing “Born to be Wild” to me. Lil Schwartzenegger says that while he was singing, he was smiling on the inside. Everyone else was smiling on the outside because they were laughing at him. Abercrombie sings, then Creepy Darren who manages to pull off a hell of a rendition of Pretty Woman despite the obvious disdain on his face. Dain, the last to sing and showing the most disgust is the obvious choice for kicking to the curb. He couldn’t get past the nonsense of the date. I couldn’t get past his enormous chin. He was greatly suffering from what I termed James Van Der Beek disease. Huge chins on an otherwise decent looking guy. Of course, we get the friends opinion of the curb kick. Labitch liked him, bitter Kim did not.
Group #2 “Diamonds in the Rough”
Renda – street hustler
Zach – unemployed bum
Nate – Hunka Hunk
Ben – the therapist
Mark – El Freako
Their group date consists of all of them getting makeovers. Hallelujah! Although kind of gay in the setting, this was fun to see Lisa grooming these men to her liking. If all women had just this opportunity, men would have less back hair and more dates. They talk, wash hair, and drink champagne as America watches the masculinity level go down in the gutter. Laura stops for a moment and asked Zach bum what is intriguing about him. He’s dumbfounded. He doesn’t know what to say. I know, Zach. Your employment status is intriguing. Tell her that. But unfortunately for Zach, he’s going to have to fill out a real resume and start looking for a real job because Lisa kicks him to the curb. Labitch agrees with the kicking, bitter Kim does not. I believe Kim wants to secretly be in Lisa’s shoes or at least, date her rejects.
Group#3 “Creative Types”
Insecure Scott
Omar aka Erik Estrada
Paco Punk
Paul Playwright
Obnoxious Joe
Since Lisa wants to see if any of these guys have a macho side, she takes them trap shooting. Trap shooting?!? Macho?!?! The last time I ever saw a guy do some trap shooting was Ralph Malph from Happy Days on an episode of the “The Love Boat.” He was trying to impress Julie, the cruise director. He didn’t succeed because when the boat docked, Julie just wanted to be friends. An omen for the guys in Group #3. The guys shoot, strut and do their best to show Lisa that they are macho. Joe just shows that he is loud and obnoxious. But it’s Erik Estrada who Lisa kicks to the curb for worrying about looking too good. (What she really was saying) “I can’t be with anyone that looks better than me.”
Group #4 “The Jocks”
Hank aka Luke Wilson
Ken aka Mr. Lee
Domenic
Scott R.
Corey – token black guy.
Lisa wants to see if these knuckleheads have any grace so she takes them ballroom dancing. Luke dances with Lisa first. Lisa can’t keep the drool from her mouth and never can I. But I’m still bitter over the whole Ponch dumping that if Luke stays, I’m voting him off. Take that LISA!!!! (Insert evil laughter here) The rest of the guys dance with Lisa but it’s pretty obvious that Corey, the token black guy will be kicked to the curb. You would think that she would vote off Scott R. He was stepping all over her feet while dancing. His feet are a size 14-15. If what they say about men with big feet is true, I bet that dancing isn’t the only thing that hurts with Scott. Hmmmm.
After the group dates which only took a half hour to show, we now have 16 guys left. Cupid decides to have a pool party with all the guys, Lisa and her friends. Because you can’t have a reality show without a hot tub or pool. Later, Lisa will throw another guy out. Labitch and bitter Kim join the party. Labitch reminds me of those ladies that you see at a Holiday Inn hotel pool. They have been there every day since the beginning of time, wearing 4 pounds of makeup, smoking cigs, drinking wine, and acting like they own the place. We only get to see 2 minutes of the pool party but from the looks of things, Lil Schwarzenegger can’t keep his hands off Lisa. Didn’t the real Arnold get caught doing that to a British reporter during an interview last year? Those Austrians. Also, Pretty boy Evan wants Labitch and bitter Kim to sit on his lap. Perhaps to cover up his woody? Pretty boy maybe couldn’t handle all the testosterone around him. His behavior doesn’t go unnoticed. But Lisa only warns Lil Schwarzenegger and Pretty Boy. Instead she sends Paco Punk home after bitter Kim tells her that he is into sports. Another example of bitter Kim secretly sabotaging Lisa’s chances at finding a husband.
In true Bachelor show fashion, Lisa finally comes out to the remaining 15 guys and eliminates 5 of them. Big Feet Scott is gone, (I guess she figure out what I did earlier.) Freako gets cut, Creepy Darren loses out, Ben is gone, and Nate, hunka hunk is asked to leave. Again, Lisa kicks to the curb anybody that looks better than her.
Next week, Lisa starts to date these guys and America votes who stays and who goes. I’m starting a campaign for everyone to vote for Lil Schwarzenegger. The only guy that could carry this show for the rest of the summer.
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Eliminated HGs
Nominated 7/6 by Janelle & Jase
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BB Slop 7.14
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Voted out 9-0 7/27
Jase's IMDB
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