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Posted by: Tara From Texas on Jul 02, 2003 - 11:53 AM
Television
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On last night’s ep, five girls were vying for the approval of the parents of one single guy named Marco. The winner would accompany the son on a trip to Greece. Yet again, the producers have found some “ordinary people” with a whole, whole lot of moola. Mom looks like Reba McEntire and Dad, like William Shatner. They are pretty young looking, so with Marco being, say, 21, I wonder if there’s something juicy to mull over.
By Tara From Texas
www.MediaFiends.com
This article is owned by MediaFiends.com & may not be reproduced without permission.
Thursday 2:30 p.m. A sign posted on the big honkin’ door tells us that these people go by the names, “The Dappers." The girls begin to show up one by one, and we get the following tidbits about each girlie:
First up is Chauntal, a cheerleading coach and freshman in college.
Next is Chelsea, a broadcasting major (ah, she sees this as a career launch pad. Smart move.)
Tarin is next, an auto company spokesperson. They don’t explain what that is.
Maleiah is next. All I can think is that she has too many damn vowels in her name. Is this Hawaiian?
Finally we have Ana, a bottle blonde with brownish-orange skin. She does “public relations.” That just seems like one of those jobs that should be in quotes. Come to think of it, so does “auto company spokesperson.”
Then we meet Marco. He is 19, a college student, and he likes a hard-to-get girl. Like that would be news to any female. Anyway, he’s got two earrings. Mom says he’s a helper. Dad says he’s a wonderful young man.
Before anything even happens, Chelsea reveals that her favorite hobby is shopping. She looks like Barbarella, and seems clueless that “shopping,” honest though it is, may not be the first thing Mom and Dad are looking for in a girl for their darling, earringed Marco.
Ding dong. Dirty little secrets time.
Ana went through boyfriends’ rooms using borrowed keys. She admits that it was wrong.
Chelsea sticks her friends with bills. Swears it’s not true. Dad says it’s questionable. She already said she liked to shop, and someone had to pay for it, so I think she’s already starting the evening off well.
Tarin spends a lot of money on clothes, thereby preventing her from moving out. Wait, didn’t I just see that on Dr. Phil? She admits it’s true.
Chauntal lies to guys to get out of dates. She says that actually she sometimes double books her dates and then cancels the ones she doesn’t want at the last minute. I think the girls are with me here when I say, hey, good plan.
Malueiaoh dated a guy older than Dad. Date dude was 44. Dad is younger. Yuck. I understand, yes, older guys have more money, are probably less likely to notice figure flaws, etc., but what about when you have to explain about Eminem? No, thanks.
Chelsea says she wishes she’d not brought so much luggage.
All go on a night on the town at a place called B.B. King’s. Maleiooah is called to the stage by the band. She says, “I would have rather been naked than been up there in front of everybody and sing.” She was told to sing Stop in the Name of Love. Surprise! She can’t sing. Band stops her.
Then they called up Tarin. She got into it and ate her hair. Well, not on purpose, she was trying to do that swing-your-head-back-and-forth-with-the-music thing, but like I said, it didn’t work out.
Ana sang. She sucked.
They call Barbarella up. She looks ready for her Playboy spread. Chelsea at least put something into it and was called “really good” by the other girls. Keep in mind the previous performances.
Chauntal sang, too, but I obviously can’t remember it.
Mom and Dad are asked to pick a winner, and they go for Barbarella.
Commercial.
The powers-that-be decide to tell a good fact about her, and say that she volunteers with the elderly. I can’t help but wonder if she’s stealing from them, too.
We see the fam and the girls walking outside B.B. King’s. Mail delivery - Ana was surprised! Dad opens the envelope and lo and behold, there’s a remote control inside. Dad pushes play.
Suddenly, Ana’s friend is up on this huge TV and tells that Ana cheats on tests and broke into a teacher’s office to get a test ahead of time. She denies it.
Mom to camera: “She denies, denies, denies.” Reba looks unhappy.
Maleiuah’s friend says she won’t go out with a guy a second date if her cats don’t approve. She says, “They are the boys of the house. They’re like my kids.” Would you have admitted that on national TV? I thought not.
Barbarella’s friend says she flirts to get better grades. Her friend, btw, is in a total cleavage-baring top, so I am thinking that maybe she either, a. taught her friend a thing or two, or b. took a cue from Barb and skates through classes herself. Chelsea, wide-eyed, denies it.
Mom doesn’t like this side of Chelsea.
Chauntal’s friend Sarah says, “If she’s mad at a girl, she hunts down the girl’s boyfriend and sucks face with him, and makes sure the girl finds out about it.” Chauntal says, “There was just one incident where a girl took a guy from me and I took the guy from her.” Oh, hey, tit for tat. I love that saying!
Tarin has a real problem committing to a serious relationship. She only dates guys who are involved with someone else. To defend herself, Tarin says, “I could commit if the guys I like, liked me. Guys don’t like me, I’m loud and obnoxious.” Well, there ya have it.
Limo driver hands Dad an envelope telling him that he and his wife will have to pick one girl to knock off.
Reba and Shatner consult with son. Marco says he likes Ana and Chauntal. He says he’ll leave it up to his parents, and says that he wouldn’t want to be his parents in this situation.
Now, here’s where we get a nice little lesson in menopause. I know, because my mother is currently weathering these storms herself right now. Remember how Reba wasn’t pleased with anyone earlier, and disappointed with their answers to tings? Well, here come the hormones: Mom cries. She suddenly says she had a great time with them. She couldn’t imagine she would feel the way she feels, which I am not surprised about, since those little hormone flip-outs occur pretty suddenly. She says she loves them all. They start to play this weird, Enya-type music in the background.
Since Reba is clearly unbalanced right now, Dad does the dump. Keeps Ana, Chelsea, Chauntal. All that’s left are Tarin and Maleiooauh. Tarin says it would “Piss. Me. Off.” If she had to lose to the girl with too many vowels.
Commercial.
Girl with too many vowels stays behind. Tarin gets to go home with the family the limo. Waa-ha.
Mom says they eliminated Maloueiah because she dated older guys. See, menopause. One of the symptoms is random jealousy. You know Reba’s afraid that Shatner will hook up with the more emotionally neutral Maleiiiah. Mom says that it was hard to leave her since they could see her in the window as they drove away. No tears this time, though.
Friday 10:00 a.m. Mom wakes up the girls. Reba wanted to see what the girls really looked like first thing in the morning. Again, jealousy strikes.
Ex-boyfriends were outside as the girls wandered out.
Chauntal said, “This day is going to suck”
Ana’s ex said she was high maintenance. Barbarella’s ex says she embellishes stories and takes her friends along on dates. Chauntal cheated on her ex. Tarin’s ex says you need to be pretty secure to date her because she has all guy friends. She has trouble committing. Yep, we know, we know, she’s loud and obnoxious. Nice how she beat him to the punch on that one.
Dad thanks them for showing up.
Mom says she has serious questions about all the girls.
Fax rings. It says, “Mom and Dad, pick the two girls you feel are least compatible with your son. One will go home.”
Marco feels like Barbarella hasn’t broken the barrier yet. Is this code for some sort of sex issue?
Mom doesn’t feel connection with Chelsea. Dad has an issue with cheating and Chauntal. Mom thinks Tarin has been with a lot of guys.
I think Ana is safe since they don’t mention anything bad about her, yet.
This time, Mom seems more together. She must have remembered her hormone patch.
Mom and Dad pick Tarin and Barbarella as the two they feel are less compatible with their son.
LIE DETECTOR TIME!
Lie detector guys says, “Hello ladies, have you ever had a polygraph test before?” in the same way that someone might ask you if you prefer paper or plastic. Too cool.
Commercial.
Chelsea’s up first: “When I first walked through the door, I was scared. It looked like an electric chair.”
Dad: If you married my son, would you cook dinner for him 7 nights a week?
Barbarella: Hell, no. (Just kidding.) Yes. (Liar!!!)
LD guy: Thumbs down (damn right.)
Dad: Have you ever flirted with a teacher to get a better grade?
Here it is! The clip from last week! She won’t answer the question, starts crying, I’m rolling my eyes, this is too good!
She says, “This is stupid!”
Dad thinks they struck a chord with that question. Really, Sherlock?
They try again.
Parent: Have you ever flirted with a teacher simply to improve your grade?
Barbarella: Yes. (Apparently she was simply struggling to remember, not because she felt that what she had done was wrong. No, no.)
LD guy: Thumbs up.
Parent: If my son gained thirty pounds, would you still date him?
Barb: Yes.
LD guy: Thumbs down.
Parent: Have you lied to my son this weekend?
Barb: No.
LD guy: Thumbs down.
Parent: Are you pretending to care about our son just to win a trip to Greece?
Barb: No.
LD guy: Thumbs up.
Chelsea’s score: 3 lies, 2 truths.
Tarin’s turn.
Parent: Tarin, if you ended up marrying our son, would you sign a prenuptual agreement?
Tarin: Yes? (she said this like a question.)
LD guy: Thumbs down.
Parent: Have you ever dated a man one of your friends was still romantically involved with?
Tarin: No.
LD guy: Thumbs down.
Parent: If Marco was (sic) unemployed, would you be okay with supporting the fam while he stayed home with the kids?
Tarin: Yes.
LD guy: Thumbs down.
Parent: Would you date a man who was already committed? (One is to assume they mean relationship-wise.)
Tarin: No.
LD guy: Thumbs down.
Parent: If you were in a relationship, would you be faithful?
Tarin: Yes? (Again, as a question.)
LD guy: Thumbs up.
Tarin’s score: 4 lies, 1 truth.
Mom can’t believe what she hears. Dad says, “Let’s go take care of business.” I think he means it’s time for Reba’s pills.
Dad calls the girls down.
Chelsea says, “Not a single part of me thought they want me to stay in the house another night.” In reality TV, this means she will stay, since they always edit it to look the other way.
Dad says that their decision is…Tarin. Shock and awe radiate throughout the room! Chelsea says, “I was like, OH my god.” Mom says they chose Tarin because they didn’t think she could commit to just one man, or Marco. Is she saying Marco’s not a man? Wow, part two could get good!
Tarin thinks she learned something. “Maybe I shouldn’t be so cocky.” What? You’re the one who said you were loud and obnoxious, sweetheart.
To be continued...
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