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Posted by: CarRamRod007 on Mar 16, 2003 - 10:20 PM
Television
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Well, a dose of Lorenzo four weeks late is better than never getting to experience all the cheese that is international superstar Lorenzo Lamas....
By CarRamRod007
www.MediaFiends.com
First up, the winners from Hot Zone #3, and the men are:
1. Shipley, like no one saw that coming, that man could butter my bread any time.
2. Tony, who has that hulking Vin Diesel-type appeal
Unfortunately, Billy who looked like he needed a flea-bath anyway and Eric still sporting his Milli Vanilli hairdo are just not hot enough to advance. So we turn to the women:
1. Amber
2. Renee
I have to admit it. I voted for Amber and Renee, but I didn’t think that either of them had a snowball’s chance in hell of advancing. Both of them are just look too nice—like the girlfriend you have who is beautiful, but you can’t say anything bad about her, because she is just too nice. PLUS Ivy and Jessica had that gorgeous, but trashy look about them, so I was sure they would get into the finals. Thus, I thought that the probability of Lorenzo not hitting on anyone was higher than either Amber or Renee advancing to the next round. That said, America, I’m so proud of you for picking the nice girls!
Before commercial break, we have some words from our Hot Zone #3 contestants. Meow… Shipley was so hot that all I really heard was “la, la, la”. Renee was so adorable and excited. Kudos to you, Renee! Tony went into entirely to much detail about the nausea he experienced while waiting for his name to be called. Amber was a little irritating saying that she is where she is today, because America thinks she’s hot. Sweetheart, you need to grow a little humility or you won’t be where you are for much longer. In tears, Jessica wishes the advancing semi-finalists the best of luck with their fame and fortune, but she is still going to get hers. WOW! Do people who go on these shows really think that they are going to parlay this 15 minutes of fame into multi-million dollar careers built on hotness? Lesson for today: never underestimate the power of someone else’s stupidity.
Now for the initial hot or not cut from 28 to 16 contestants:
1. Domenic, 29, entrepreneur…he is so moving forward, you could melt butter on that chest. This one is a no-brainer: Hot!
2. Mary, 22, radiology technician…she’s got that White Snake video sex appeal that I’m sure will put her in the round of 16, but not 8: Hot!
3. Jason, 25, high-school campus supervisor…even the audience is booing: Not!
4. Crystal, 26, actress/waitress…if Lorenzo didn’t put her into the next round to see that cleavage in a bikini, then he is now batting for the other team: Hot!
5. Mark, 21, student…photographs well on the website, but that’s about it: Not!
6. Roxanne, 20, sales manager…pretty, but tries to hard: Not!
7. Jimmy, 24, real estate broker… despite the fact that he needs to get the hair out of his face, he has that blonder surfer-dude appeal: Hot!
8. Selena, 22, cocktail waitress…I would have initially thought thumbs up, but her on-line photograph makes her look like she could stand to eat about 12 McRibs, not McRib, Jr., but the full McRib: Not!
9. Jayson, 19, waiter/model…cute face, but that brown Carrot-top like hairstyle is killin’ me: Hot!
10. Sharee, 21, model…I don’t like her, but I’m sure she makes it: Hot!
11. Robert, 25, Pilates instructor…he looks like Keanu Reeves. This could go either way: Not!
12. Jessica, 20, student…unclear here. She’s beautiful, but in a way that makes you think that should be in professional wrestling: Hot!
13. Sergio, 27, hair-stylist…photographs much better than he looks on stage: Not!
14. Nena, 22, waitress…her red dress puts the crowd in heat, she gives a little raise of the eyebrow and flip of the hair, but WOW: Not!
15. David, 26, high-school teacher…this guy is principal Wood from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Hot!
16. Candace, 23, bartender…she’s really cute, pretty face, nice figure, and her on-line picture is great, but Lorenzo gives her this look like she has the plague: Not!
17. Anton, 29, Tae Kwon Do instructor…he’s a cross between Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High and the evil guy Johnny in The Karate Kid: Hot!
18. Alana, 19, student…she looks like a young Niki Taylor with brown hair: Hot!
19. Jamal, 26, insurance salesman…well, he has style, but I didn’t say good style: Not!
20. Janet, 21, student…too much caffeine, she makes an entrance like she knows her way around a stripper’s dance pole: Not!
21. Andre, 28, kick-boxing instructor…I’m not digging the face, but he gets points for the dreadlocks and the faux-leopard print vest: Hot!
22. Brandy, 19, singer…or should I say Busty? There is no way Lorenzo doesn’t put jiggles here into the next round, if not into the semi-finals: Hot!
23. Eric, 30, medical sales manager…his look is well antiseptic: Not!
24. Brooke, 23, teacher…this girl is stunning, but doesn’t appear to know it: Hot!
25. Cheval, 28, legal analyst…the only man to come out in a suit, and damn, he looks good: Hot!
26. Regina, 30, correctional officer…well, she’s cut like a correctional officer: Not!
27. Dylan, 22, bartender/model…despite the fact that this guy looks more like 32 than 22 he is quite yummy: Hot!
28. Rachel, 19, sales representative…I’m not seeing it. She looks like a weird cross between Kate Beckinsdale and Tori Spelling: Hot!
That’s all she wrote. Now I know what you are thinking half of 28 is 14, not 16 so what happened to the other 4 finalists. Well, I checked out the website: Scott, Corinne, Nadisha and Kris where not show, but frankly, it was probably for good reason.
As we break for commercial, we hear from a disgruntled Nena who wants to know what the hell the judges where thinking given that she forced a large majority of the audience to begin panting. Sorry, honey, they could only take one girl from Hawaii and Busty’s boobs won out.
Next up, the swimsuit round where contestants are judged by Randolph, Rachel and Lorenzo on a scale of 1 to 10 on face, body and overall sex appeal.
1. Busty goes first. Backstage she indicates that she is nervous, but confident and sexy. I would tell you what she is wearing, but it’s difficult to see beyond her boobs. Rachel gives her an 8.9 on face, 9.8 for her voluptuous figure and 9.8 for sex appeal. Randolph asks if most guys talk to her boobs, she says it’s all real, and he gives her an 8.7 on face, 9.5 for body and 9.4 for sex appeal. Lorenzo offers up a Lorenzo-ism, “Brandy, if I were stranded on a desert island all I would need would be you” 9.8 on face, 10 for the body and 9.8 for the sex appeal.
2. Jayson is next. I must have been channeling Lorenzo earlier when I said that Jayson looked like Carrot-top, because Lorenzo tells him that the comedy club is down the street: 8.0 on face, 8.0 on body and 8.5 on sex appeal. Rachel sees the comedy too and remarks that he looks like he’s been smokin’ a bit: 7.5 for face, 6.9 on body because it’s not goin’ on and 6.5 on sex appeal. Randolph gives 7.9 on face, 6.5 on body and 7.0 on sex appeal. (He’s not moving on.)
3. Here comes Alana. She tells Randolph that her problem area is the thighs—I wish I had her problems. Randolph just doesn’t see charisma here however: 8.5 on face, 9.0 on body and 8.9 on sex appeal. Rachel gives 8.7 for face remarking that her forehead is too big, 8.9 for her body and 8.7 on sex appeal. Lorenzo sees that she is going to grow up to be gorgeous and gives 9.0 on face, 9.5 on body and 9.5 on sex appeal.
4. Buffy’s principal Wood—David is up. Wow! This guy has that Michael Jordan confident, hotness about him. Randolph thinks it’s working: 9.5 on face, 9.5 on body and 9.5 for sex appeal. Lorenzo bestows 9.8 on face, 10 on the body and 9.9 for sex appeal. Here is a first for the competition. A trifecta from Rachel: 10, 10, 10. We’ll be seeing him in the semis. As we go to commercial, he is near tears and saying that he just wanted to make Momma proud.
5. Brooke comes out looking stunning, but shaking like a frightened Chihuahua. Randolph calls it. She just looks fragile and innocent: 9.0 on face, 8.2 on body and 7.2 on sex appeal. Rachel aligns with Randolph: 9.5 on face, 8.0 for the body and 6.0 for sex appeal. Lorenzo even says that she’s sweet, but not sexy: 9.7 on face, 8.0 for body and 6.5 for sex appeal.
6. Andre the attention freak emerges. From Randolph, he gets 7.5 for the face, 7.9 for the body and 7.6 for sex appeal. The crowd is disappointed, and Andre’s confidence begins a downward slide. Rachel also thinks that the dreads have got to go, so 7.9 for face, 7.9 on the body and 7.6 on sex appeal. Lorenzo sees a little, but not much, more: 7.5 for face, 8.0 for the body and sex appeal is an 8.0. He won’t be advancing with those scores.
7. Rachel who is still giving me more Tori Spelling than anything else comes out. Rachel gives a 9.5 for face, her hourglass figure gets a 9.5 and 9.8 on sex appeal. While I don’t understand this, but maybe Randolph does, he says, and I quote, “I don’t know where to begin, but I definitely know where to start.” Huh? Well, no one ever said that you had to be smart to be attractive and successful. After a gander at her behind, she gets a 9.1 on face, 9.6 on body and 9.5 for sex appeal from Randolph. Lorenzo hits on here and gives 9.5 on face, 9.8 on body and a 10 on sex appeal.
8. Woof! Domenic is back. Two words: eye candy! He is Hot Zone #4’s Shipley. The scores aren’t even out, and I know he is in the semi-finals. Backstage he describes himself as a rhino—anyone gets in his way, then he just mows them down. Lorenzo points out his nipple ring (thanks to the camera man for the close up), and the scores 9.8 for the body, 9.5 for the face and 9.0 on sex appeal. Rachel giggles out a compliment, then asks to see his butt: 9.7 on face, 9.0 for the body and overall sex appeal is a 9.2. I can tell Randolph wants to take this man home with him: 9.6 for face, 9.2 for the body and 9.0 on sex appeal.
9. Jessica is next, and I still think that this girl should be tag-teaming with China as a WWF Superstar. Rachel gives 8.5 on face with a deduction for the mole, 8.9 on body and 9.0 for sex appeal. Randolph bestows 8.9 for face, 9.0 on body and 9.2 for sex appeal. Lorenzo asks Jessica to turn around, we see a close-up of Jessica’s rear and Lorenzo reminds America that this is why they are tuning in at all: 9.5 on face, 9.5 on body and sex appeal is 9.8.
10. Anton emerges in tight little boxer-brief Speedo…purrr! Lorenzo goes first with 9.5 on face, 8.5 on body and 8.5 for sex appeal. Rachel is getting cheesy, Fabio Velveeta from Anton, so 9.7 on face, 9.0 for body and only 8.0 on sex appeal…but wait last minute adjustment, because he smiles 8.7 for sex appeal. Randolph just may have extended Anton’s 15 minutes by suggesting (and rightly so) that he be cast as the evil-dude in the next Bond film: 9.2 on the face, 8.5 on the body…but Randolph gets a gander at Anton’s firm back-end, we have another adjustment 8.7 on the body and 8.6 on overall sex appeal.
11. Out comes Sharee who is a cross between Naomi Campbell and Iman, but I still don’t like her. However, the judges do. Randolph gives the face a 9.0 for her cat-like eyes, 9.2 on the body and 9.0 for sex appeal. Rachel ups the ante with 9.8 for the face, 9.9 on body and 9.0 for sex appeal. Smiling Lorenzo calls her smoky: 9.5 on face, 9.8 on the body and 9.5 on sex appeal.
12. Dylan comes out looking on fuego, but then unfortunately he speaks. Dylan communicates to the audience that he was “born ready”. Randolph notes that he was also born cocky, a feature that is really unattractive: 9.1 on face, 9.3 for the body and only 8.3 on sex appeal. Dylan recovers with Rachel: 9.7 for the face, 9.9 on body and 9.5 for sex appeal. Lorenzo could make or break this guy: 9.5 on the face, 9.4 on body and 9.5 for overall sex appeal.
13. Crystal’s boobs might be bigger than Brandi’s, and the amazing thing is that there is not a silicon implant between the two. Rachel chokes out a stunned 9.9 on the face, 9.9 on body and 9.9 for sex appeal. Randolph admits that she lights up the room: 10 for the face, 9.5 on the body and overall sex appeal is at 9.8. Lorenzo calls her is “African Queen” and gives 9.8 on face, 9.5 on body and 9.8 on sex appeal. I think that well be seeing Crystal in the semis.
14. Jimmy is up next, and we get a peek at him backstage. No nerves here, he says that his focus has not been on the other guys, but on all the women backstage. Randolph gushes over Jimmy: 9.5 on face, 9.8 on body and 8.9 on sex appeal. Rachel starts with 9.4 for face, 9.8 on body and 8.9 on sex appeal. Lorenzo goes a little higher all around 9.7 on the face, 9.8 on body and 9.0 for sex appeal.
15. Mary returns…she is a classic California beauty, but I just don’t think the judges see anything overly special here. Randolph gives 8.5 for face, 8.2 for the body because she has thick knees, but bounce back on sex appeal 8.9. Rachel gives 8.5 on face, 8.9 on body and 9.0 for overall sex appeal. In classic Lorenzo pattern when the other two judges low-ball a girl, he ups the scores: 9.5 on face, 8.5 on the body and 9.5 on sex appeal. Sorry, Mary, but I still don’t think you’ll be hot enough to advance to the next round.
16. Cheval bursts on to the stage, and I’m blinded by his chest. When I recover, Lorenzo assigns 9.0 on face, 9.5 on the body and 8.5 for sex appeal. Rachel gets picky over his buckteeth: 8.9 on face, 8.9 on body and 8.0 for sex appeal. Randolph weighs in with 8.0 on face, 9.5 on the body and 8.9 on sex appeal.
When we return from the commercial break, we start off with the men.
1. David, no surprise here the only triple ten scored on the show
2. Jimmy
3. Dylan over comes his initial cockiness to earn a spot
4. Domenic, the Tom Cruise look alike, advances
Now the women which apart from Crystal and Brandi, I’m not sure who’s moving up all the scores were really close, and I didn’t bother to calculate.
1. Crystal, again no surprise
2. Brandi—Crystal and Brandi hug in celebration, and EMT teams rush into the audience to revive some of the men
3. Sharee, blick, I won’t be voting for her
4. Rachel, maybe Tori Spelling’s dad paid for her to advance too, cause I just don’t see this one
Next week, we’ll see the semi-finalists from all four Hot Zones go head to head.
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