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Posted by: Jax on Mar 11, 2003 - 05:04 PM
Television
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Er…Meet My Kids
By Jacalynn West
www.MediaFiends.com
Anything with an asterisk*, was said to the camera.
This episode turns the tables & it’s 3 adult sons looking for a date for their Mom. The men are Darrow, 42. He’s in the Army Reserves. Greg is 44 & he’s the mayor of Redondo Beach, California & never lets you forget it. Keith is 48 & an artist. The men are told they have to each give Mom one of the 3 hostess gifts & if they aren’t all presented a bad fact about each of them will be revealed. 2 of the gifts are harmless; candy & flowers. The last one is a wrapped gift. They open the lid to see a box of condoms. The men decide to “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to see who gets the booby prize. Darrow is the loser.
Mom is 47. *She said she is fun-loving & enthusiastic. Her sons are Mark (oldest), Adam (Middle) & John is the baby. Adam is the biggest guy so they send him to answer the door. First up is Greg with the flowers. *Mom thinks he is handsome & confident. (I have to note here that as Mom met each man I could swear she tells them “Nice to see you AGAIN”. So I wonder if this is phonier than I have suspected.) Keith is next with the candy. *Adam said he looks like an ex of Mom’s so that is not good. *Mom said he is a mysterious artsy type. Darrow pulls up the rear & has the condoms. He pulls Mom aside to give it to her (Not that kind of “give it to her” you pervs) & said that it fell out of Greg’s luggage. *Mom was shocked by the condoms & wondered what they meant. The boys check out what is in the box & tell Darrow, who they now call Arrow, that the box better be full when he leaves.
A FAX arrives & tells everyone that the men had to bring the gifts or a bad fact would be revealed about each of them. *Mom said Darrow didn’t seem like the type of guy to bring those so she is relieved.
The boys take the men to the living room to ask them a bunch of questions like Have you been married? Are you a cheater? Are you a Republican? Do you like Children? The DOORBELL rings. It’s DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS. Greg was asked why did he brag that he won the election by a landslide when it was a small margin. I can’t even remember his answer cuz he just talked in circles. Something about the first time he ran was unopposed & the second time he had an opponent. Darrow was asked about his bad temper & getting into fist fights with strangers while on dates. He pleads self-defense. He said he never starts it. Keith was asked why he thought it was appropriate to steal tips off of other tables to pay his bill at a restaurant. (OOH! That is bad. I think that is the worst out of the 3.) Keith said eh went out to eat with people from his office & they were $3 short so he took it from the tips.
After dinner they all go outside to sit around a fire. The EX-GIRLFRIENDS show up. Greg’s ex said he over commits & has a hard time remembering dates. He has tremendous self esteem & everything is all about him. *Mom isn’t sure she can live up to his standards. Keith’s ex said after lunch once he walked her to her car & dropped to his knee & told her he thinks he loves her. A week later it was a total turnaround & he dumped her. *Mom said bells went off after that & thinks he can’t commit. Darrow’s ex said she met him while with a group of friends. He was not upfront about his age & she found out he was 13 years older than she thought. She wouldn’t have guessed it cuz he acts totally immature. He has a dog named Dog. (So what? I don’t see how that is a bad thing.) He loves his dog a lot. (And?) *Darrow said he named him Dog so if he gets punched one too many times (He does ‘Toughman Competitions’) he won’t forget the name. He has a bottle opener around the dog’s neck & can just call him when he needs to open a beer. (Again, so what? Big deal.) *Mom thinks that’s a great idea. He has medical insurance on his dog but not himself. (Well there are a lot of people out there that care more about their pets than themselves.) The girls leave & Keith said he doesn’t know why the boys don’t just ask them to leave now after that. The boys said they did not see any of the guys deny anything the women said.
The next morning the boys get the men up & take them outside to an RV where a doctor waits to give them physicals. Afterwards in the house their Xrays are read but it is just a way of exposing a bad fact about each man as it is written on the Xray. Greg snuck away from the Birthday Party his ex-wife planned for him to go drinking with his friends. Greg said he doesn’t recall that & wants a “second opinion”. Darrow’s fact said he picked up a woman he just met in a Jacuzzi in a nudist club. (So what? Some of this stuff is lame.) Darrow said “that is hitting below the belt”. (Do you like all these corny Xray jokes?) He said he was clothing challenged. *Mom said he is a tough guy. A bad boy. She thinks that’s cute. Keith killed his girlfriend’s cat that he hated with a vacuum. Keith said it is true but he didn’t do it on purpose & the cat died of a heart attack.
Time for the dates. Keith goes to do Yoga with Mom. The boys secretly watch. The boys get uncomfortable with some of the positions. *Mom said he has a great smile & eyes. They kiss. Darrow takes her to a boxing gym. *Mom said he is cute & she’s not pushing him away. Darrow tells her normally he would be more aggressive but there are 3 big obstacles in the way so he will take it slow. He kisses her. The boys make fun of the kiss & say Darrow missed her mouth. Mom kissed Darrow & tried to make it passionate. Greg went with Mom to a Spa. *Adam said Greg always starts a sentence with I or Me. He thinks Greg really likes himself. Greg goes on & on about being the Mayor. The boys decide to count every time Greg says “I” by using pretzel sticks. They went through a whole bag. Greg & Mom put mud on each other’s bodies. George tells her he has a strange desire to give her a kiss. *John doesn’t know if he likes Greg that much. Greg tells Mom she is a good kisser. They shower together & wipe each other’s bodies. The boys are getting increasingly more uncomfortable. The boys decide to go in & break it up. Mom is shocked. They tell her it’s time to go. She said it looks worse than it is. She refused to leave.
Back at the house it’s time for SHOW & TELL. Darrow said he wanted to show what made him proud; 2 title belts he has won. 60 men entered the ring & he won it. Keith showed one of his painting called “The Fast Dog”. It is his greyhound. He held a bottle opener against in cuz of Darrow’s dog’s collar. Greg is proud of his accomplishments & prattles on forever bragging about his political career & shows various pictures of him with politicians like Bill Clinton.
DOORBELL. Time for the videos. Darrow’s frined said Darrow doesn’t trust women & has asked him to test a girlfriend by hitting on her in a bar. Darrow said he wanted to get rid of her so needed to give her some bait. Greg’s sister said he has one requirement for the women he dates. They have to be under 35 cuz women older have too much baggage. He is the King of Shallow. Greg said he dated someone over 40 3months ago. The women he dates are in good shape so look younger than they are. Keith’s friend said no matter how much he likes a woman he will dump her after 2 dates cuz he has a fear of commitment. *Keith said the boys have never treated them with respect & he’s not going to take it anymore. When asked how many he has dumped Keith refuses to say. Keith then gets into a fight with the boys. He said the boys have done a good job of keeping them away from Mom so he doesn’t even know if they’re compatible. He said he is more than twice their age & has done things he doesn’t like. Son John is really pissed. He later calms down & apologized for yelling & said it was wrong. *Mom said John was out of line but apologized. Keith offered to cook dinner. The men all BBQ.
A FAX arrives telling the boys they have to eliminate one man. *Keith said this is perfect timing seeing as he just got into a fight with all 3 guys & snapped at Mom. Privately, Mom tells the boys if she had to eliminate one it would be Darrow cuz there’s a lot of kid in him. *John wants to eliminate Keith. *Mom said she was using reverse psychology & she’d rather they eliminate Keith. When the boys talk alone they say they think Mom thinks she should be with a guy like Keith but they don’t think he would make her happy. They gather together & the boys eliminate Darrow. *Mom is really sad.
The next morning the boys get the men to go out to play football against them. Mom is on the men’s team. The boys have arranged for an ambulance to be there just in case. The boys do not hold back. Keith decides to talk smack so the boys get more aggressive & take Keith down a bunch of times. The boys obviously win.
Mom goes for a walk with Keith. They kiss & Keith thanks her for it. They hold hands as they walk. *Mom said it was a nice kiss & a surprise. She goes for a walk with Greg next. *Greg thinks she likes him a lot & he likes her too. He asked her if she could sneak away, where would she go? She said Paris. They kiss. (But not a French one.) *Mom really likes them both & is confused on whom to pick.
Time for the FINAL PLEA. Keith said he wants commitment. He just hasn’t found the right woman. He thinks Mom is wonderful. *Mom thought he was sincere & was touched. Greg said he knows this is tough for the boys & whatever decision they make it should be someone who is well rounded & grounded. *Mom said she is even more confused. She is disappointed that Greg didn’t mention her in his plea.
Mom talks to the boys alone. She said she is leaning towards Keith. One son said Keith is like men she has dated in the past & she should have something different. Mom said she trusts them & leaves the decision up to them. She leaves. The boys says Keith made the stronger plea but will wait for the lie detector before they make a decision.
Keith goes first. Doe she want to get married? Yes. THUMBS UP. If he married their Mom would he co-sign a car loan for them? Yes. THUMBS DOWN. If he found the right woman would he have trouble committing? No. THUMBS UP. Would he resent them for putting him in a retirement home? Yes. THUMBS UP. Has he lied this weekend? No. THUMBS DOWN. If he married their Mom could they live with them? No. THUMBS UP. If they asked him not to sleep with their Mom in Hawaii would he respect that? Yes. THUMBS DOWN.
Greg’s turn. Has he lied this weekend? No. THUMBS UP. (I am not surprised a politician can stay calm during a lie detector so he doesn’t get caught in a lie.) If he went to the White House again would he take them with? Yes. THUMBS UP. If Mom gained 30 pounds would he still date her? Yes. THUMBS DOWN. If Mom asked him not to run for Mayor again would he respect that? Yes. THUMBS UP. If they got a traffic ticket in Redondo Beach, would he fix it? No. THUMBS UP. Will he try to sleep with Mom in Hawaii? Pause, Um, No. THUMBS DOWN.
The boys decide to eliminate Keith & GREG has won the trip to Hawaii with Mom. *They say Greg was more truthful in the lie detector so they chose him. *Keith said this had made him question whether he would date a woman with sons & he thinks he would. He can’t fault them for looking out for their Mom. *Mom thinks she will have a great time with Greg & that he will be interesting & attentive. They have some wine & Greg toasts for the great Mom who gave them enough love so they turned out the way they have. (Blech) *Mom thinks she has crossed that first step of falling in love with Greg.
Wait a minute. The show normally ends here but a FAX arrives. It said it is time to turn the table on the sons & they will reveal their DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS. The boys panic. DOORBELL. Greg then tells the boys, “Gotcha.” That was funny. The boys were freaking out.
Tonight they are airing another episode at 9pm CST on NBC. It’s one that was postponed. Parents have to pick a date for their daughter.
They are spinning this show off & are now casting for ‘Who Wants To Marry My Mom. Here’s the link to the various APPLICATIONS.
If you want to dish the show check out the FORUM
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LOGIN
Eliminated HGs
Nominated 7/6 by Janelle & Jase
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BB Slop 7.14
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HoH 7/6
Nominated 7/24 by James after PoV
Voted out 9-0 7/27
Jase's IMDB
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